He may have lived centuries ago, but Mark Twain is a renowned author for all the ages. His words and wisdom continue to live on and apply to our lives today. One of his most remarkable quotes reads “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval”, expressing the importance of having one’s own validation and belief. But what does this phrase really mean? And why is it so important?
In essence, the phrase means that our happiness and contentment come from us first and foremost. Looking to other people to affirm us and make us feel good may bring us joy and relief in the short term, however it is ultimately us who decide our own self-esteem and the peace we find. We should aim to please ourselves first rather than worrying about what others think; in the end, this is what really matters. This can have far-reaching implications, and can help us develop our true selves and our relationships too.
Numerous psychological and philosophical studies have investigated the importance of understanding ourselves. In terms of autonomy, research argues that it is important for individuals to build a strong sense of self-esteem and self-regard which lead to a greater degree of psychological autonomy. So, when we look at Mark Twain’s words, “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval”, we find that it fundamentally means that a person values and relies on themselves for contentment is the key to their own personal well-being.
Clinical psychologist, Dr Phil, has discussed this quote on his show, particularly looking at its relevance to children and adolescents. He argues that children rely too heavily on external sources of validation; this can have an adverse impact on their sense of self-worth and independence. Instead, they should be encouraged to develop their own self-esteem and to rely on their own thoughts and feelings. This would ultimately give them much greater peace and acceptance of themselves, while also improving their relationships with others.
Mark Twain’s words still have validity to this day. Understanding that contentment comes from within rather than without, is an essential truth that we should all bear in mind. As humans, we can easily convince ourselves that we’ll be happy when a certain event happens or when we receive a particular kind of recognition. However, a deep understanding of our own worth, capabilities and potential is what will allow us to truly be comfortable.
Realm of Self-Discovery
True happiness and self-acceptance can only be achieved when a person believes in themselves and their abilities. This is why it is so important to discover oneself and understand our worth as individuals. Engaging with this realm of self-discovery can be daunting and confronting, yet it is an immensely rewarding journey. It opens up the creativity, understanding and acceptance that lies latent in each of us.
To unlock one’s inner potential, it is necessary to take the time to understand our own emotions and values. We should be aware of our limitations, but also focus on our assets. We all possess specific traits that make us exceptional and this is something that cannot be found in anyone else. If we learn to appreciate these quirks, it will enable us to become more comfortable in our own skins and ultimately more content with ourselves.
This idea of discovering ourselves is nicely articulated by American philosopher, Ralph Waldo Emerson, in his quote “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived.” This places emphasis on the importance of understanding ourselves, realising our potential and using our talents to benefit ourselves and those around us. Every individual has the capability to do this and it is essential that we recognise this.
Considerations of Mental and Emotional Health
Mark Twain’s phrase ‘A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval’, carries significant implications in terms of our mental and emotional health. As humans, we all experience internal struggles and doubts from time to time; having faith in ourselves can help alleviate this and provide reassurance to our minds. Gregory Simpson, a clinical counselling psychologist and author, explains, “By notifying our critical inner voice of the fact that all of us have flaws, but that it is OK to accept ourselves for who we are, we can develop a strong, self-validating attitude towards ourselves”. This suggests that acceptance of our flaws and accepting who we are – with all our good parts and imperfections – is of paramount importance.
However, it is also important to remember that it is OK to have our own opinions and reject those of others. Society and the culture we surround ourselves in is constantly trying to dictate how we should live, and how we should think and feel. Therefore, it is paramount that we recognise this and reject any thoughts and ideas that go against our own beliefs. Self-acceptance and strong self-esteem are the tools we can use to do this.
Manifestation of Self-Validation
Manifestation of self-validation can be seen in different forms and many of these are present in everyday life. Anything from learning to stand up for oneself and making independent decisions, to believing in one’s abilities and purpose in life, depends on an affirmation of oneself. Moreover, developing and maintaining supportive friendships and relationships tell us of the importance of looking within before looking outside for validation.
These positive and practical ways of self-validation focus on the individual’s capabilities and can act as a perfect remedy for any external pressures and expectations. Such actions are vital for living a fulfilling life and help to increase peace of mind. As Mark Twain’s quote uncovers, “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval”. It is paramount that this is recognised and nurtured, to reap the rewards in both the short-term and long-term.
Importance of Practising Self-Care
Mental and emotional issues arise constantly and it is necessary to ward them off with self-care. Taking care of oneself can have far-reaching implications, as it helps individuals to develop more confidence in their thoughts and feelings. Such activities can range from taking walks, reading books, interacting with others, playing games, listening to music and so much more. The aim is to invigorate one’s mental, emotional and physical well-being.
Self-care is essential to our development and should be combined with self-validation to ensure that we believe in our abilities and strengths. When practised properly, such activities can bolster our self-esteem and make us comfortable with ourselves. This will enable us to fully understand Mark Twain’s quote and how beneficial it is to base our comfort and happiness from within.
The Role of Gratitude
One effective way of improving our self-esteem and self-approval is through gratitude. When we appreciate the things we tend to take for granted, it promotes a greater sense of contentment and acceptance. Learning to recognise our blessings provides us with much greater comfort and peace. Therefore, gratitude ties closely with the concept of self-validation.
This can range from being thankful for the people in our lives, our successes and our health and simply taking the time to appreciate the little things that make up our day-to-day lives. Adopting such an attitude can completely revolutionise the way we think and feel about ourselves. We can finally accept our flaws and recognise our merits. It is therefore essential that we practice gratitude to ensure our own self-approval.
Focus on Mindfulness
We have to remember that peace and contentment come from within and not from outside forces. Mark Twain’s words “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval” serve as a reminder of how much control we can have over our emotions and well-being. Therefore, it is essential that we focus on mindfulness and self-development techniques to ensure we are practising the principles of self-validation.
Mindfulness enables individuals to better understand their emotions and allows them to appreciate their personal peace. As we focus on our thoughts and feelings, it enables us to gain a greater understanding of our capabilities and our own self-esteem. Moreover, we can finally accept our flaws and recognise our strengths. This enables us to take control, rather than relying too heavily on external sources.
In conclusion, Mark Twain’s words, “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval”, have immense relevance in the modern world. We should look at our own abilities and recognise our own worth; this will lead to a much greater level of happiness and contentment. It is the freedom that comes with having our own self-approval; this is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves.
