“Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference” was one of Mark Twain’s most famous quotes. This timeless wisdom and advice is applicable in many scenarios, particularly when discussing heated topics or debating philosophical questions with an ‘opponent’. By understanding what it means to argue with a fool, we can use Twain’s wisdom to optimize our conversations and interactions with others.
When we argue, there is often a winner and a loser. One party is proven right and the other wrong, or at least, less right than the former. Arguing with a fool can lead to both sides losing as it quickly devolves into a shouting match, neither party is able to reach a productive solution or understanding. The experience is often demeaning and quite frankly, pointless. Worse still, onlookers may not be able to distinguish between a person who is genuinely trying to make a valid point, and someone who is just blathering on nonsensical ideas. In the eyes of onlookers, both parties can be reduced to that of a fool.
Although tough to do so, distinguishing these occasions early on and choosing not to engage in the conversation can often be the advisable approach. It can be difficult to do so because of our egos getting in the way, however by relying on Twain’s wisdom we can pause, take a breath and not get dragged into the argument, which usually ends without a winner.
Some may consider Twain’s quote as an encouragement to simply ignore a fool, or worse, a license to look down upon one. This however is not the case. Twain’s quote is a sobering reminder to be mindful of our own personal conversations, constructive discourse, respect for fellow human beings and our reputation amongst others. With an individual not being able to tell a true conversation from an argument with a fool, engaging in the former can be easily misinterpreted as the latter, resulting in one looking foolish instead.
It is important to note that Twain’s quote applies only to arguing with a fool and not simply engaging in a discussion with one. There is a fine yet important difference between the two. Arguing implies speaking louder than the other, talking over them and simply trying to ‘win’ said argument by any means necessary. A discussion on the other hand, is two people respectfully exchanging thoughts and ideas, allowing for two way conversations to occur. During a conversation we are open to different perspectives from others and an opportunity to learn is created, unlike the former.
By arming ourselves with Twain’s timeless wisdom, we can be more effective in our interactions with others. We can recognize when a person is a ‘fool’, navigate the situation without getting sucked into the argument, and ultimately, save ourselves from looking foolish ourselves.
Using Humor
Although Twain was serious in relaying his advice, humor is undoubtedly one of the most effective techniques one can use to tackle this topic. Humor gives us an opportunity to constructively express our thoughts and ideas, without the need to engage in a fiery argument with a fool. Furthermore, humor helps us to temporarily take ourselves away from the stress and anxiety of the situation, and injects a sense of lightheartedness into the conversation.
Humor has the unique ability to break down common barriers and open up the conversation to different perspectives. It can put a person at ease, disarm creative tension and even changes the tone of the conversation where it diffuses anger. Share a joke with your ‘opponent’, or just lighten the mood, and the rest of the conversation may naturally flow and become more productive,and inclusive of different ideas.
Humor also goes hand in hand with empathy and can show a genuine understanding of where the person is coming from. This in turn, could also have a positive impact on the ‘enemy’, enabling us to create meaningful conversations and even friendships with those with whom we may have argued in the past.
Acknowledging One’s Perspective
It is important to remember that everyone is entitled to their own perspective, and valid points can be found in the opinions of even the most unreasonable person. Trying to find a common ground, or understanding where someone is coming from, is beneficial in the long run. Not only does it promote respect for one another, it also facilitates a healthy two-way conversation.
By understanding a person’s point of view, it enables us to come up with a more informed opinion of our own, and not clouded by judgment or preconceived notions. For example, showing a fool what it feels like to be listened to, acknowledged and respected, is one of the best kindnesses, or gifts one can give them.
One should also bear in mind that some fools are in fact just victims of misunderstandings or stereotypes. Acknowledge their perspectives, clarify any ambiguities, offer a listening ear and understanding. Choose your words wisely. A fool can have a light bulb moment during a discussion, and become a more enlightened person.
Establishing Boundaries
Finally, having healthy boundaries is key in engaging with a fool. It is not necessarily a fool’s fault if they are in fact a fool, but one must approach conversations such as these with caution. Understand your limits and recognize when a person is trying to push your buttons.
You do not ‘owe’ someone an artistic discussion. Depending on the situation, it might be more prudent to put off the conversation to another time or simply disagree and move on. You equally should not expect others to be so engaged as you to continue an impenetrable conversation with a fool. It is accepted,and even preferable, to politely decline or leave a discussion whenever you feel necessary.
Conclusion
In summary, a fool can be hard to miss, especially if one is already in the process of engaging them. Twain’s timeless advice reminds us to remain gracious in our conversations, to give humility a place and recognize when it is time to walk away. Although Twain’s quote was not supposed to undermine fools, but rather influence our own behaviour, understanding its implications can be highly advantageous in managing our own conversations.
