Maya Angelou had three husbands in her lifetime. The first was butler x Sr., whom she married in 1951 when she was barely 17. The second, Tosh Angelos, she married in the early 1960s; and the third, Paul du Feu, she married in 1973.
Angelou’s union to Butler, her high school sweetheart, ended a couple of years after their marriage. Maya Angelou was in a very difficult position and needed help from her family, who at the time had also recently relocated to San Francisco and quickly accepted Butler in as one of their own. Despite the fact that Angelou was so young, she had faced a lot and was independent in a lot of ways even at that age. The breakdown of her first marriage was attributed to her desire for independence and a need to express herself which she found inhibited by her relationship with Butler.
Tosh Angelos followed the relationship with Butler in 1961. Angelou graced him with her commitment to marriage but it ended soon after. The marriage involved a lot of disagreements and many arguments, which led to their divorce in 1967. Mayo Angelou was strong-willed and often had stubborn arguments with her then-husband, which were supposedly major reasons for the divorce.
Maya Angelou went on to marry Paul du Feu in 1973 and they remained together until she passed away in 2014. Paul du Feu was a former cab driver with whom Angelou struck an emotional and physical connection. He was an independent and outspoken British construction worker who lived with Angelou in North Carolina. This was the longest and most fulfilling relationship of Angelou’s life, because it provided her the emotional security and sense of independence she had been longing for throughout her life.
Butler X Sr.
Butler X Sr. was Angelou’s first husband. At the time of their marriage Angelou had barely begun her journey as an independent woman and she was in an incredibly vulnerable stage of searching for stability in her life. The husband-wife duo was almost too young to take on the commitment but Butler was a popular and well-regarded member of the local community and there was not a single real objection to their union.
Despite the brief nature of their marriage, Angelou’s experience with Butler gave her a sense of ‘normalcy’ which she had desperately desired throughout her childhood and teen years. Being around Butler and his family allowed Angelou a close look into the family dynamics of a married couple, something she had never known before.
Unfortunately, the marriage did not last very long. Few years after the marriage, Angelou and Butler divorced due to the inability of either one to connect on an emotional level. This was attributed to both Angelou’s desire for independence and Butler’s skepticism of it.
Angelou’s difficult experience with her first husband, Butler X Sr., was the beginning of her journey as an independent, fiercely independent woman. From that point onward, Angelou was determined to take on life as her own, independent of any man and she was never truly committed to any of her subsequent partners.
Tosh Angelos
Angelou’s second husband followed the relationship with Butler. In 1961, Angelou married entrepreneur Tosh Angelos, a white Jewish immigrant from East London. That was a difficult time back then and it faced a lot of obstacles due to the racial and cultural divide that the two faced. The couple had two children, Teresa and John, and despite their profound love for one another, their marriage did not last very long either.
Their relationship was plagued by frequent arguments and disagreements owing to Angelou’s reluctance to step aside and accept her husband’s authority. She was in love with Tosh but she refused to give into his expectations of her in order to remain independent. The couple was also geographically separate for a lot of their marriage, with Angelou leaving for New York in the mid 1960s for her literary and academic pursuits.
The constant bickering coupled with the growing separation led to eventual divorce in 1967. Angelou was viewed as an overly assertive, independent woman who refused to conform to the norms of society, often resulting in arguments with her husband.
Despite the fact that Angelou’s marriage with Tosh Angelos did not last its due course, it acted as a crucial phase in her development into a pillar of cultural strength and helped her build upon the foundations she had already set with Butler a few years prior.
The couple divorced in 1967 and Angelou was deeply hurt by it, but she was also stronger by it. This was the first true test of her independence and her resilience only grew with time.
Paul du Feu
After the divorce from Tosh Angelos, Angelou lived in New York for a few years. She finally met the love of her life, Paul du Feu, in 1973. Paul was a former cab driver, a British construction worker and a passionate socialist with whom Angelou was immediately enamored.
Angelou and Paul had an immediate connection, as they were both independent, outspoken and strong-willed but unlike her previous marriages, this one lasted almost till the end. Paul had a deep understanding of Angelou’s struggles and was a strong supporter of her independence and her desire to be free.
The two stayed together until Angelou died in the year 2014. Paul was very understanding of her needs and desires which gave Angelou the perfect environment in which to express herself. He was also very supportive of Angelou in each of her endeavors and was an instrumental part of her success.
Paul du Feu was the longest and most meaningful relationship Angelou ever had and it was quite evident in the way she spoke about him. In some ways, Paul was the man she had been desperately searching for in all of her first marriages and he finally provided her the emotional stability and independence she craved for her entire life.
The Symbolism of Her Marriages
The three marriages of Maya Angelou each have a symbolic meaning of their own. Her first marriage was to Butler X Sr. who was her first love and her first taste of true love and companionship. Though the marriage ended within a few years and Angelou was pregnant at the time, being a part of this union gave her a sense of stability and ‘normalcy’ that she had craved.
The second marriage to Tosh Angelos symbolized her entrance into adulthood. The marriage was complicated and full of arguments, but it helped Angelou to realize the importance of expressing her independence and standing up for her beliefs. Through it all, she realized how important it is for her to be her own person and express herself without letting anyone else suppress her.
The third and final marriage to Paul du Feu is the most significant of all. It was the true representation of Angelou’s understanding of what she wanted out of life, and her relationship with Paul gave her the emotional security and independence she had been longing for in her relationships her entire life. This marriage was not without its shared of difficulties and arguments, but it still was of remarkable length and Angelou was truly happy with her life and Paul.
The Need for Emotional Independence
Maya Angelou sought emotional independence in all of her marriages. She realized very early in her life that she had no control over her powers, but she could control how she felt. This understanding enabled her to take on the roles of a wife and mother in a very different way. Whereas, most women in those days were limited to being a housewife, Angelou was determined to excel in each of the roles she took on while still maintaining her independence and expressing herself.
Angelou struggled with her need for independence, but her purpose and her dream always guided her. Her marriages and all of her relationships, as well as her commitment to her work, have taught her the important lesson that love and independence can peacefully coexist. She accepted that she could attain emotional independence, even in close relationships, and her marriages showed her that she could still share a deep connection without compromising her needs for freedom and expression.
Angelou’s parenting style also showed her commitment to maintaining her independence. She raised her son John, who is now a prominent actor, which was a huge accomplishment considering the times. Despite having a career and a marriage, she adopted full responsibility for her son by herself and never relinquished her independence.
Angelou was able to develop a unique understanding of the complexities of relationships while still striving to be independent as a woman. She understood that love and independence were two sides of the same coin and that one can exist without compromising the other.
Conclusion
Though Maya Angelou was married three times in her lifetime, her short yet important relationship with each of her husbands has a significant symbolic importance. The relationship with her first husband, Butler X. Sr, gave her the taste of love while her second one with Tosh Angelos showed her the importance of remaining independent in a relationship. Her longest and most emotionally satisfying relationship with Paul du Feu showed her the importance of coexistence and balance between love and independence. Angelou’s marriages also symbolized her strong willed nature and her undying commitment to what she believed in.
