When I think about “myself,” Maya Angelou’s words ring true. I believe in the power of self-love, of being compassionate and merciful to myself. To me, it seems within this mindset lies the capacity to live a successful and meaningful life. Growing up in a culture of criticism and comparison, I found I had to work to unlearn these damaging behaviors and create my own paradigm of love, acceptance, and celebration of my life journey. I had to become my own source of self-worth and confidence. Instead of trying to compare myself to others, I focused on myself, on my growth and development, and what I wanted to achieve.
It is integral to remember in our society of performing and succeeding, this applies to me as it does to everyone else. We all deserve to take the time for ourselves and for our own personal growth process. Self-love is a deeply personal journey, one that is not always easy nor linear. It can involve hard work, confronting the concept of who we are and what we want our life to look like, and taking control of the narrative we tell ourselves.
In this journey, I was aided by therapy, friends and mentors, and self-help books. However, for me, the biggest change was internal. After having had a lifetime of listening to the approval of others, I had to find out how to become comfortable with my own approval. As such, I had to practice regular acts of love and forgiveness. I started by raising my own self-awareness and getting really specific about my needs and wants. I had to learn that it is not weak to be lost, to be scared, to be vulnerable. This can be taught through experiences, but mainly I think it’s a skill of remembering, a muscle we must exercise as consistently as possible.
Ultimately, the focus of self-love shifts away from external validation to the internal, rather than seeking praise and approval from others, it is instead about acknowledging the accomplishments and progress I have made in my life and celebrating my own achievements. This doesn’t negate recognizing the importance of other people in our lives, but it does provide more balance in respect to my own value. These radical changes in my mindset have been profound and have had a positive impact on my life, more specifically, I have seen changes in my own relationships, career paths, and personal development.
Trust in Relationships
Sunshine and Rosie were two metaphors I liked to use to measure my level of trust and resilience in relationships. Sunshine showed how bright and open I was in trusting someone else; I’d open my heart to them. Rosie showed how resilient I was in allowing that trust to stay open despite any circumstances. Both were dependent on two things: how much trust I had in myself and how much trust I put in another. I slowly started to realise how much of my trust was a reflection of my level of self-love. When I was truthful to myself and when I found worth in my own thoughts and feelings, then that trust extended to others.
So I began to do more work on my internal dialogue and cultivated an inner space of understanding and compassion for myself. Building up trust in my own opinion of myself meant that I could, in turn, have faith in my own beliefs and decisions. This shift in my trust was something deeply significant and is still something I look back on as a game-changer for my relationships. Instead of needing the assurance from others, I had found a way of being comfortable with my decisions, opinions, and emotions.
Having good trust has allowed me to cultivate relationships with people around me that are deeper, that require a commitment to openness, candidness, and honesty. I find it easier to be myself in these spaces and that is something that is incredibly valuable. We all need to be in spaces where we can be ourselves, and if those spaces are safe, then those relationships can only blossom.
Career Profiling
The work I had done in self-love was also beneficial for my career journey. Focusing on what seemed to be my innate purpose as opposed to a “destination” driven by external expectations allowed me to figure out what was best for me. As I began to see myself clearer, I started to get a better sense of the career goals that were right for me. Instead of feeling like I had to choose one route, I started to view my career aspirations as differently-shaped pieces of the same puzzle – the puzzle of how who I was and what my passions were could add value to the world.
I began to feel comfortable following threads of curiosity instead of forcing myself to stay in one predetermined career field. This made all the difference as I began to feel more creative with what I was doing. Rather than having a feeling of being confined to a certain salary bracket, I started to explore all sorts of possibilities.
Of course, this type of thinking can come with some concerns, as it’s easy to think that looking for new job opportunities could lead to judgment from family and friends. However, for me, the idea of freedom was more significant than any of these concerns. In that new sense of freedom, I was able to learn new skills and gain experience that has been incredibly beneficial to my future career.
Personal Development
Another advantage I have had by turning towards self-love has been the work I have done on my personal development. I began focusing on understanding my strengths and weaknesses and using that knowledge to create strategies that work with my personal talents. I found that instead of setting myself up for failure, focusing on the aspects of myself that are inherent gave me a platform to make better-informed decisions.
By understanding where I fit in with each decision I made, I was in control of the outcome. Through this, I was able to make decisions that work with my strengths and use them as leverage in situations and relationships. Additionally, I was able to serve as an example to others in relation to personal development and empowering others to prioritize their own personal growth.
I’ve become more resilient in the face of life’s challenges and more conscious of the impact I have on the people around me with each decision I make. The work I’ve done on loving myself has meant that I feel more grounded and connected with the decisions I make and the actions I take. With this considered approach, I have been able to make choices that are right for me and my life.
Gratitude and Service
As I shifted my mindset, I began to pay more attention to the things I had and how I could use those things to serve others. My journey of self-love had given me the strength and confidence to pursue my goals and be all that I could be. With that newfound outlook on life, I wanted to give back. The feeling of making a difference, no matter how small, is something that has been incredibly rewarding for me in aspects of both my personal and my professional life.
One of the ways I do this is through service. I volunteer in local projects and on boards and committees in my industry, in addition to giving back financially with my business. Being able to put my talents to service is the most valuable form of realization I have of striving for a positive impact in my community.
I also find that gratitude has been an incredibly powerful tool in my life. Gratitude helps me to see things in a different light and to appreciate what I have, as well as focus on what it is that I want to achieve instead of feeling a sense of lack. Practicing gratitude allows me to stay grounded and focused, to understand that no matter how many challenges and difficulties come my way, I am able to find a way through those difficulties.
One of the most important elements of my journey of self-love has been learning how to navigate my emotions. By acknowledging the presence of my emotions and accepting them as part of who I am, I am better able to manage them in a productive way. I learned to channel my emotions as fuel instead of letting them be a hindrance, which has enabled me to stay focused on the tasks and goals that drive me.
I use my emotions as an indication of what I need to do, rather than as a source of guilt or shame or judgement. When I am feeling overwhelmed or anxious, I recognize this as a sign that I need to take a moment for self-care and attend to my needs. I recognize that this is not a selfish act, but a necessary one in order to remain on track.
Additionally, I have learned that even when I don’t know what to do next, it’s important to emotionally anchor myself in the present moment and allow that to be the only thing that matters. This approach has enabled me to stay positive and hopeful about the future and take the steps I need to get there.
Wellbeing
The journey of self-love has also impacted my physical health and wellbeing. As I began to prioritize the importance of self-care, my level of physical energy began to steadily increase. I began to focus on what was good for me, instead of simply going through the motions of life without acknowledging how I truly felt. By taking care of my physical health, I found that this also lead to an increase in my mental energy and overall wellbeing.
I made an effort to reduce the amount of time I spent scrolling through the internet and participating in mindless activities and instead began to focus on activities that nourished my soul, such as reading, spending time outdoors, and practicing yoga. I also began to make better food choices, eating more fruits and vegetables and drinking more water. Making these conscious decisions to prioritize my wellbeing has had a measurable positive impact on my life.
Perhaps most importantly, the process of self-love has allowed me to accept and even embrace all of my quirks and imperfections. Instead of finding them shameful or embarrassing, I view them as part of what makes me unique and worthy of love. This mindset has allowed me to be more honest, open, and compassionate in my relationships, and thus feel closer to the people I care about.
